A couple of weeks ago on ABC World News there was this segment about dealing with stress. While I often dismiss these soft/fluffy news stories, this one had some good advice. I have started having these "light bulb moments" with some very simple and logical/no-brainer advice (like "eat real food"). It kind of reminds me of the pop-psychology books like
Everything I Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten or
Don't Sweat The Small Stuff (And It's All Small Stuff). Before I continue, here's a link to the article about the report:
Stress. Anger. It's a problem we all face. And while it might be impossible to avoid the situations that bring these traits out in you, it turns out you CAN control how you react to them. In fact, doctors at Duke University are at the forefront of stress management studies, and say they've created strategies that are proven to reduce stress.
via abcnews.go.com
A lot of the issues I was having last year I think were only exacerbated by my inability to handle stress and anger. I was going to say "effectively handle," but it was just "handle"... period. I would simply fly off the proverbial handle over pretty much anything and everything. Apparently, things got so bad that my biz partner pondered aloud (well, via email) that perhaps I was in the need for some counseling of the psychological nature. Of course, this immediately pissed me off. But, in again in the clearer vision of hindsight, it was probably (one of) the "Snap out of it!"/Moonstruck slaps to the face I needed, even if, ironically enough, it was work and that state of that very relationship which was one of the greatest sources of my bad attitude.
Anyhow, given how not clearly I was thinking/feeling during that time, I am not sure this segment would have been helpful. In the midst of a tornado, one is not exactly pulling out a check-list or looking for advice. The centerpiece of the report was in a stressful or angry situation to ask yourself 3 questions. A "no" to any of them, should flow-chart you right out of it, while a "yes" to all 3 should set you on a path to resolution. Ready?!?
Question #1: Is this important?
These three words are a game-changer. I imagine most of "everyday" stress (the report gave examples of getting cut-off in traffic or spilling a drink) can be diffused by this simple question. I've been pretty even keel of late, but the few times I have felt myself leaning since watching this report, I have seen how power of this question.
Question #2: Is it reasonable for me to be angry?
This one I found to be a bit tricky, especially after one has passed the importance test... which would seem to suggest reasonableness. But still it is one more speed bump to slow things down or perhaps the slightly better question to ask would be: Is it reasonable for me to be this angry?
Question #3: Can I modify/change the situation?
... or else, it's just giving some time to prepare for this big question. It would have been at this question that I may have realized that the crux of my stress/anger was being in a not easily changeable situation, or more accurately, a situation that had changed and wasn't going back to the way it was anytime soon, if ever (ever, btw, being still to this very day).
Basically, this is the "shit or get off the pot" or the much more eloquent Serenity Prayer (God, grant me the serenity/To accept the things I cannot change;/The courage to change the things that I can;/And the wisdom to know the difference). I think this is valuable advice, especially if you have a tendency to wallow (hand raised here!). It's certainly not a quick resolution like Question #, but it provides a choice: find a new/different way of looking at things or make a change.
Again, very simple words/advice but I think stuff that often gets away from us. I have even gone so far as to put these 3 questions on a sticky note on my desk as a kind of "break in case of emergency" mental reminder. So far, so good!
