Whine & Cheese

Photo Friday: Pet

It's kismet!   I had already planned a blog post about Rocky and then Photo Friday went ahead and made this week's challenge: Pet.  Perfect!  Although I am guessing all those pet pics won't be terribly inspired, but alas I did not have a "heavy petting" hand on a woman's breast photo to submit! 

Obviously, I had a good selection of photos to choose from... not only Rocky, but alas pets from our past (which was also the planning to be mentioned in this post pre-Photo Friday)... but here is the one that always seems to make us smile:

It was pretty much after this "incident" that we stopped buying plush/stuffed toys for Rocky... or if we do get them, it is with the understanding that they will only be briefly sticking around.  The expression on his face is just pretty priceless!

Anyhow, the post that I was going to write is to tell you that Rocky isn't here right now.  I dropped him off at the vet about a half-hour ago for his very first teeth cleaning.  This whole doggie dental stuff I think is probably a bit of scam (how long did dogs survive without this?!), but it probably is a good thing to do... and we'll probably try to stick to an every other year schedule. 

While the whole anesthesia thing always makes me a little nervous, scheduling and getting through this dental visit has washed up some sad memories.  It was just a year ago (our vet always runs dental specials this time of year), that Toby was scheduled for a dental... which I had to cancel a day or two beforehand because he had developed a cough... and my long time readers will know, that what seemed to be no big deal at that time... just 6 weeks later was our much-too-soon goodbye to Toby to what ultimately ended up being lymphoma.   So again, while it had nothing to do with the dental treatment... it's still a reminder... and I really try my best to not remember dates or unpleasant anniversaries of this sort. 

Okay, that was Debbie Downer... so just go back and look at the picture of Rocky and what was a stuffed giraffe ... only lasted 86 minutes, which at the time was a record destruction time, which I am pretty sure has been broken since then!

Must. Resist. Puppies.

For those of you who may have caught my Twitter yesterday about "must. stop. looking. at. cute. puppies."

This is what I was talking about... all from the same litter and ready to go pretty soon...

As with the last go-round, there are so many reasons NOT to get a new puppy... but these are about the cutest bunch of Bostons that I have seen... well, since Rocky's classified ad pix. 

Obamania Week Continues

No worries, I will eventually shut up about the Obama, the election, politics.  I sense I am over the hump and things are slowly going to return back to normal here and I'll be devoting full posts to being happy over La Lucci finally getting the boot on Dancing With The Stars... but still got a bit left in the tank, so bear with me for a bit more!

First, thanks for communications (emails, comments, messages) about the whole Prop 102 and marriage amendment thing.  I was a bit taken aback by how down I was yesterday given that I fully expected to be giddily bouncing off the walls over an Obama victory.  Over the course of the day, I see I was not alone in feeling that way.  "Gay" was not synonymous with "happy" yesterday that was for sure!   I think it was the cumulative effect of all these propositions that had me in such a funk.  While I fully expected and was prepared for our AZ proposition to pass, the Prop 8 result honestly threw me.  I was well aware it was a very tight race, but I certainly got a lesson about the California political scene.  Here I was thinking CA was a pure bastion of liberalism, but looking at the Prop 8 Yes/No county map show that the Golden State is not that different from our country - "blue" on the coasts and major population center and more "red" inland and covering a lot more land mass.

Back here in AZ, there is some concern that we will lose our Democratic governor Janet Napolitano to the Obama administration... which would thus ascend our Republican (and also female!) Secretary of State to the top office.  Napolitano was an early supporter of Obama and now is part of the transition team and the buzz is that she would be considered for Attorney General or head of Homeland Security.  But rumors also have her not seeking re-election in two years to instead run for McCain's Senate seat.  So who knows!

Okay, onto more important things!

Just so you think I am not capable of critical thinking when it comes to the Obamas, put me in the NOT a fan camp re: Michelle Obama's victory speech/Grant Park dress.  I have been a fan of her no-nonsense, sensible, un-pretentious fashion/style ... and while the above dress is all that... she just lost me on the whole "what the heck is going on with the black fabric criss-crossing the front of it?!?" thingy. 

Actually I was thrilled to see what the First Lady-Elect wore to the polls on election day...

It seemed to be a very much throw on some clothes, pull the hair back, maybe put on a bit of make-up, get the kids in the car an head to the polls... pretty refreshing, and it's not like she didn't think cameras were going to be there... and a bit of contrast compared to Cindy McCain's Aspen ski-bunny get-up (which actually is pretty subdued/tame as well).

Next up, we know the Obamas are going to be getting a puppy when or before they head to the White House.  May I recommend a purely American breed of dog... the Boston Terrier: 

Here is the latest picture of our own Barocky Obama.  I think this is probably the only dog/breed that could out-cute little Sasha Obama.

But rumor has it the Obamas are going to ... in their typical elitist, "we're oh so perfect" way... going to get a rescue dog.  Ugh.

Figures... next thing we'll know they'll be announcing plans to replace all the lightbulbs in the White House with compact flourescent ones... and recycle wine bottles used at state dinners!

Doggie Drama

I am guessing part of it is psychosomatic on my part, but it seems as if almost every time we are getting ready to go away we have some drama with the pets... yesterday, Rocky was the provider.

It started out first thing in the morning.  I let him out for his first outdoor trip of the day and after a few minutes we saw he was running around like a lunatic.  While this is not that unusual, we hadn't quite seen him ever do it first thing in the morning.  I let him in and he continued to wildly race around the house, sometimes stopping to vigorously lick around his leg/foot.   

Long story, short... we suspected he was probably bit or stung by something in his first tour of the backyard.  Didn't think all that much of it... the little guy is prone to over-reaction... for example, when it comes to nail trims Rocky makes it sound like a 1,000 volts of electricity are being sent through his body. 

But throughout the day he seemed a bit unusually non-active... and there were instances of a pee inside the house (very rare these days) and a throw-up (not so rare, especially when it involves having grazed on grass)... what was really strange was that he spent a couple of hours napping on the dog bed in the master bedroom.  This is very odd in at least two ways... most of the time, even if napping, Rocky typically spends his time with me in the office and...ummm... he doesn't sleep on a dog bed (don't get us started... Cesar would not be happy... nor are we, but we have to work on it ... someday!).   Needless to say, I was getting increasingly worried.

He started acting a bit more normal around dinnertime... he chowed down a bit on dinner after skipping breakfast (again, not unusual), but finally had some good signs as he began his incessant desire to play fetch with numerous toys after dinner and during TV time. 

Thankfully, this morning he seems fully back to his normal self.  He bounded out of bed before I did (unusual!) and was chewing on some mail that the cats had knocked off the counter (not unusual!)... and ended up eating all of his breakfast.... so I think we're all okay... but it was a bit of a scare!

Photo Friday

For awhile now I've wanted to submit a picture for Photo Friday ... each week (on Fridays, go figure!) the site challenges folks for a picture with a particular theme... sometimes it's something pretty "tangible" like "The Great Outdoors," "Fire," or "Purple"... other times it's much more interpretive like "Silence" or "My Little Secret"... best yet, there's nothing to sign up for and no requirements... other than an URL that points to your photo... and you can participate whenever you'd like.

Never would I have thought in my my first submission would be this week's challenge: Religion.

Thanks to our recent travels, I had a bevy of cathedrals and churches to choose from.  I tried not to go with some too obvious, say a tourist-y outside shot of a church... and while afterwards, I realized I had some other good options... I went with my gut first reaction (which is typically wiser anyhow) and submitted this photo:

It is a stained glass window towards the back of Notre Dame (the only cathedral that allowed indoor photography!)... and it turned out just as I'd hope... getting that statue in silhoutte against the stunning window.  Actually came out better than my hopes... since the camera captured the detail on the glass far, far (far!) better than my faulty eyes... here's a link to the pic on Flickr or just check out the large and larger sizes.

Now that I've taken the Photo Friday plunge, I may try to keep giving it a shot... and I can share my submissions here too... though it's pretty intimidating, there are some really awesome photographers out there... but heck, it'll give my pix a bit more exposure (ha! thank you and good night!)!

Also, last night I got out my camera for the first time since the trip.  Scott had alerted me to a wild looking red pre-sunset sun and capture it in full effect in his shot... I pretty much missed that, but still went out and took some pix over our backyard fence. 

When I first started shooting, I thought it was merely due to a bit of dust storm headed into town... and while that was a factor... once I took a break and stopped seeing spots before my eyes from staring at the sun... I realized it wasn't just clouds and dust... but smoke coming from a pretty good brush fire waaaay out on the west side of the Phoenix metro area.  I pulled out and caught the trail of smoke...

Even when something not so good is happening, Mother Nature certainly has a way of making it spectacular nonetheless.

When I was going back and forth and back and forth, Rocky... in a rare moment... decided to stop following me around in circles and sit/lie still for a minute... and I managed to capture it on film (well, digitally on a memory card, that is):

Ain't he cute?!

One Week Later

Well, it's been one week since Toby left us.  It's that weird time continuum... sometimes feels like just yesterday, but mostly feels like it all happened eons ago.  Today I want to share with you my journey. 

As mentioned, my Facebook status bar tracked it all.  I joked over the weekend (perhaps more on that tomorrow) -- and humor is the best defense mechanism/medicine -- that while these status updates (which have since morphed into "tweets") are usually quite light-hearted and fun -- mine turned into "Debbie Downer" (insert "waaaah, waaaah" sound effect) over these past 6 weeks or so.  But I found it to be extremely therapeutic... given the word/character restriction, I had to get it down to the core thought or emotion. 

The journey is not quite over yet.  For the first time ever, I've decided to get ashes.  I have a few theories of why I did it this time around, but for now, I'll just leave it at that Toby has been a very odd/unique experience... anyhow, they should be coming in sometime this week.

So here it is, from thinking it was nothing to it turning into something to turning into something bad ... and everything in between.  (UPDATE:  Again, a reminder that the Facebook status line is written in the 3rd person, so that's just the style, an albeit odd one.)

Feb 25
1:12pm: Ed is getting ready to go to the vet with a coughing basset hound.
3:00pm: Ed just spent $117.30 on vet visit, antibiotics & doggie cough medicine (Poor Toby! Poor Us!).

Mar 6
1:19pm: Ed is frustrated waiting to get a call back from the vet -- Toby's cough is pretty much gone, but he seems really out of it.
3:06pm: Ed finally got his 9am call to the vet returned at 4pm - appt on Friday at 11a, unless Toby magically recovers by then.

Mar 10
6:55am: Ed is still dealing with a sick dog... cough is gone, but bloated/irritated stomach now!
9:49am: Ed is going to the vet (again) later this afternoon :-(.
5:00pm: Ed likes the sound of universal health care... for dogs! Here's hopin' today's $264.70 works out better than Friday's $322.78!

Mar 11
2:22pm: Ed is tired of waiting for/but trying to remain optimistic about Toby's blood test results.

Mar 12
8:13am: Ed is going to the vet again this afternoon... wasn't a good night for Toby.
3:06pm: Ed is going back to pick up Toby in an hour... not liking the latest round of possible diagnoses.
4:45pm: Ed is sad to say that Toby doesn't have much time left.

Mar 13
5:21pm: Ed is trying to accept the things he can't change.

Mar 14
3:27pm: Ed is not so sure anymore.

Mar 21
8:48am: Ed doesn't know what to expect with Toby's second opinion vet appt this afternoon.
3:14pm: Ed is sad to say no new/good news re: Toby.

Mar 23
6:24pm: Ed has no idea about what is the right thing to do.

Mar 27
8:58am: Ed senses he is approaching being placed between the rock and hard place.

Mar 28
6:44am: Ed is playing it by ear (again), though not hearing very well.

Mar 29
9:18am: Ed is taking Toby in for a "feel better" shot... still some positive signs, so not ready to do "it" just yet.

Mar 31
7:05am: Ed has already had a rough morning, just back from dropping Todd off at the airport.
8:49am: Ed just made the call to the vet.
4:34pm: Ed is very sad, but also feels an incredible weight has been lifted.

Apr 1
9:21am: Ed is kinda sort doing pretty okay.

Apr 2
8:32am: Ed is reading 'The Diary of Anne Frank'... now *that* should cheer me up... just don't tell me how it ends.

Apr 4
3:54pm: Ed just got the sympathy card from the vet and it made me a little sad... talk amongst yourselves.

Apr 6
2:47pm: What should be the name of the first dog Rocky befriended this afternoon at the dog park? Toby, of course! I can't make this stuff up!

This last item from yesterday was pretty amazing...

While I was a bit emotionally tentative going to the dog park, I felt like I owed it to Rocky who has been so patient (wanting to play so badly -- as usual!) while Toby was sick and since he's been gone.  Typically, we go Sunday mornings... but I didn't get their until Sunday afternoon and there were only maybe 5 dogs at the park (in the morning, there are typically dozens of dogs!).

So we enter the park and there is only one dog near the entrance... so Rocky goes right up to the dog and starts playing... as usual, the "target" dog is a bit thrown by Rocky's energy but is not totally freaked out.  The owners are really enjoying Rocky and when he goes to greet them they ask me what breed he is, etc., etc. and his name...  and then they turn to their dog and say "Toby go ahead and play with Rocky".... you could have knocked me over with the proverbial feather... ah, that whole "universe" thing (again).

More Memories

Again, a big thanks to everyone for their sympathies over our loss of Toby yesterday... I am thankful to have this outlet and the words of encouragement have been very helpful.  This morning, just want to share some stuff that is on my mind.  It's going to all be a bit random, but I guess so is life...

This morning, I could swear I was woken up by scratching at the door.  It was a sound that often woke me up... Toby wanting to go out or come back in... and being pretty incessant about it until he was allowed in or out.   So I am not sure, what I exactly heard... perhaps it was Toby wanting in (or out!) of that tear frickingly jerking Rainbow Bridge...

Speaking of which, it brought a smile to my face thinking about Toby's big sister Mindy.  Mindy was over 14 years old when she left us nearly 2 years ago (in early April), so that was one thing that made Toby's passing at age 6 particularly shocking.  But I will always remember Mindy's face when we brought Toby home... it was a pretty even split between "ah, shit" and "are you kidding me?"... so I am not too sure it was a total sunshine day for Mindy when Toby came trotting across the Bridge.

I spoke of the "universe" yesterday... and we did have some very odd coincidences... or were they?

A few weeks ago, we got that tremendous news of Todd's employee award and the trip to Beijing... and as it happened, I also had a vet visit that day... and that was the start of the beginning of the end, when we knew we were likely looking at something that could not be fixed.  Things didn't seem dire on that day, which I am totally thankful for because it was a day that deserved to be happy and amazing... and it was!  I guess one is an optimist or pessimist depending on whether you think there are more good or bad days... I'll give a slight edge to the good, but I think it all evens out in the end... looking back, that particularly day seemed a prime example.

When we moved into the house, I ordered Todd address labels with basset hounds on them... this weekend, he came to me and noted he was down to his final labels... they had lasted over 6 years... strange indeed!

While I am not totally trying to sanitize the house of memories and triggers, I did do some "clean up" yesterday afternoon.  One thing I did do was take down the basset hound calendar in our kitchen... if I turned the page today to April today... the photo was pretty much a spitting image of a puppy version of Toby. 

Okay, enough of "the universe"...

Finally, as I mentioned in yesterday's post, Toby was very independent even as a puppy... he was my first "puppy" and I often questioned if he was missing that whole "unconditional love" thing... he didn't thrive on getting attention and did not seek it out all that often.  But lately he was coming around.. and I'll share this story/memory that Todd sent me this morning (he arrived safely in France)... "one of the things that struck me just recently was how he was so content to stay close to us at the dog park... a few times recently when we were there, and he had happened to wonder away, I watched him and could see when he realized he wasn't sure where we were... he'd look for us and when he finally saw us, his ears would perk up and he'd trot back over to us... that always made me happy - like he really did like us and feel safe with us."  Ok, that made me sad... but it a good way!

I'll share (at least) one more thing with you later this week.  Over these past several weeks, most of my Facebook "status" one-liners have been very Toby-centric.  If you are not familiar with it... the feature gives you space to write a short message that shows up in the 3rd person... i.e.  Ed is xxxx.   It's typically used to share fun stuff... I tend to ramble (you've noticed?!)... so I found it very therapeutic and challenging to get right to down to very core.

Again, a big thank you... and I am looking forward to an Idol post tomorrow... I couldn't think of a better mentor to make me smile than Dolly Parton!

Rest In Peace

I am just back from the vet, and while I fully realize that I have not disembarked from the emotional rollercoaster...  things are strangely peaceful right at this moment.

Having been through this numerous times before - mind boggling enough, Toby is the 4th pet we've lost in the 6 years we have lived together -- I have had some pretty intense emotional reactions at the vet's office and certainly in the immediate aftermath (not that there's anything wrong with that).  While tears were shed, things were very much in control this afternoon... given the lead up to this, I was suspecting having a really bad time of it ... but perhaps because of it, my feelings/emotions are what they are right now... granted, this is not to say what had occurred in the days and hours before ... or what lies ahead in the coming hours and days... but right now, calm... or maybe it's just numb.

One of the things I told (or at lease tried to tell) Todd this afternoon was that I was at peace with the today's decision... and I think that is what has made all the difference... while Toby certainly left us well before the time he deserved...

I thank whatever it is -- if it's not too cheesy, let's say "the universe" -- for knowing letting us know when it was the time to keep hoping and trying, and today... the time to let go.

I am thankful for everyone at the vet's office ... and particularly my vet, who stayed with me a good 15-20 minutes after it was all said and done and talked with me about Toby and her own pets and experiences when making this difficult decision.  I can only imagine how far it put her behind schedule ... the lobby was sheer lunacy when I walked in (and again, the staff quickly ushered me away from it all and took care of all the necessary paperwork beforehand)... but now you can understand why I waited those extra hours to see her today.

And, of course, I am thankful the time we did have with Toby... he was certainly a character... even as a puppy (and, at my semi-advanced age, my very first "from scratch" puppy)... so independent, aloof, ornery... but friendly and lovable when he wanted to be... and always a big hit wherever he went...

So that's it... for now... again, I just felt compelled to write something... "talk"... mark this chapter...

R.I.P. Toby ... we'll miss you.

The Call

I have just made the call the vet. 

For fear of chickening out, I am not going to post this until I am out of here.

It was going to be a rough morning regardless... Todd left on his business trip this morning and, while we would have like to have thought otherwise, neither of us truly believed that Toby would make it until he got back next Friday. 

We took Toby in on Saturday to get another "boost" shot... the effects of the first one had started to wear off and we hoped another one would give him as good of a bounce as the first one did... and we were still seeing positive behavioral signs, so we just couldn't think of putting him ahead of Todd's trip.

But this shot one never kicked in... he had a not-so great day on Sunday... and not a good overnight at all... he wanted out several times during the night and, what was only clear to me this morning, was that he could not find a comfortable lying down position... and it was not until I got back to the airport, that I have noticed him swaying/bobbing when sitting up (or trying to).  While he has not been happy/feeling good for a while now... my litmus test in making the decision was that he not be in pain/distress and, for the first time this morning, I can no longer think that is not the case...

So I am going in this afternoon... now, the gut-wrenching wait (as I write this, nearly 6 hours away)... I'm guessing I could have got in earlier, but I wanted his usual vet (thankfully she was in the office today) and that was important to me... and also not rushing right into it was a probably a good thing... it has allowed things to start sinking in and get out some of those tears.

I/We certainly was not thinking that today was the day.  My fears were over the timing... doing it too soon (last week) or not doing it soon enough (say next week)... on the way to the airport, I said to Todd one of my worries was not having that "sign" and reassurance (I'll be the first one to admit that I am supremely indecisive)... but I think we both knew it was a not a good night and that the end was near... though it does pain me that he doesn't know about this right this very minute... and while I think we both felt more bad for the other, there is an odd consolation that Todd was here for the last night.  (Update: I was conflicted about it... but I did catch Todd between flights, so was able to tell him what was going on and he gave me that much needed reassurance that sadly he felt things were on the quick downturn).

So... I guess that's it, I am sure there will be more... and thanks for bearing with me through this tough time... this is my therapy....

Chubby Buddy #1 Destroyed

Well...  the good news is that it took a whole week (and a day!)...

Chubby Buddy "Mr. Fish" Before & After

It was pretty funny, I was getting another cup of coffee and noticed something destroyed in the dining room area... then I noticed a destroyed tennis ball (remnants pictured above).   Hmmm, very strange... as to the best of my knowledge I had never given Rocky a tennis ball to play with... but it's not like there's never been a tennis ball in the house... so I just figured he found it somewhere...

On the next walk-through, I noticed all the stuffing and finally caught glimpse of the deflated fish... and then it hit me (duh!) that the core of the Chubby Buddy had been a tennis ball!

I should enroll Rocky into a vulnerability doggie toy test program... as you may recall, I picked this particular toy since it was advertised for "moderate and strong chewers"... but then again, it did last a week... while lesser toys have been gone in mere hours (or less!)... so I guess this is progress. 

I still have Chubby Mr. Hedgehog for Rocky... so we'll see... my next idea is just to throw around $5 bills around the house and let Rocky go to town on those!