... Elizabeth Gilbert's Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage. I am sure a whole lot of folks are familiar with her first memoir, Eat, Pray, Love, even if they've never read it and/or erroneously (in my opinion) dismiss it as some chick-lit, self-help guide.
Gilbert has to walk a fine line here as this is very much a sequel to Eat, Pray, Love (acronym'd to EPL from here forward), with Committed being another memoir which pretty much picks up right where her first one left off (or shortly thereafter). But, even before the book gets underway, she does a great job tempering expectations in the book's introduction: "If I knew how to write beloved bestsellers on demand, I can assure I would have been writing them all along."
The only caveat I would give to EPL fans is there less of Gilbert in this one. It is filled in with what she calls "extra socio-historical bonus sections" as she explores the institution of marriage on the eve of quite begrudgingly marrying again if she wishes to make a life in the States with her non-American citizen partner. There is still a good deal of memoir in this, but just be prepared for essay/commentary-ish portions.
To Gilbert detractors, I have four words for you: don't read this book. I was consistently amazed while reading online reviews that folks who have alleged to reading and hating EPL, for some reason, decided to read this book. Unless you want an exercise some literary masochism, Gilbert is the same old self-absorbed, whiny, over-thinking, liberal, Oprah "Live your best life" worry-wort, etc. she was in EPL... or for the rest of us, smart, witty, entertaining, and endearing to the rest of us (EPL was my 2007 non-fiction book of the year).
Even though I have no personal experience with marriage (and thus divorce), this book was still quite enjoyable and found it quite relatable not matter what your relationship status is and there is always some personal and/or societal pressures no matter where one finds them self. If you are not taking stock of your own relationships, there is plenty that can be transferred to one's friends and family, particularly one's parents (I believe I came out of a "practical" marriage, not some great and sweeping love story).
It probably helped that I have a similar view of marriage as Gilbert. While her skepticism comes from the deep scars of a painful and ugly divorce (which ironically lead her to her greatest professional success via EPL), my own indifference to it comes from it not even being available as an option. We don't disdain the concept or judge others for wanting the white dress, but we generally we don't feel the need for a piece of paper, a ceremony, etc. There is part of me... and I'll take a good stab that a part of my partner, that is sort of relieved that it is not an option. That said, I would still marry just for all the rights it entails, not for an emotional standpoint as uttering some words or toasting with champagne or signing some papers does not validate what has occurred over the past 15-ish years of our relationship or 8 years of cohabitation.
Gilbert has a section on gay marriage that made me want to stand up and applaud (no shocker she supports it, and is horrified that a gay couple who was the same deportation situation as she was would have had absolutely no recourse, legal or otherwise). Gilbert smartly backs into the gay marriage debate, but citing the Supreme Court ruling legalizing inter-racial marriage. While I kinda sorta knew it, it is still shocking that this was not legal prior to 1967, the year I was born! The ruling stated: "The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men." Even more shocking, was how wildly unpopular the ruling was with Gilbert citing 7 out of 10 Americans thinking inter-racial marriage should still be considered a criminal offense. But she notes, the definition of marriage has changed over many, many times over the history of the world, with being "in love" being only a recent requirement. Gilbert asserts that the institution of marriage has only survived because it has evolved, though comically adding "unless you don't believe in evolution."
Sometimes the relationship "light bulb"/a-ha moments don't even come from Gilbert herself, but her Brazilian lover. I enjoyed his take on successful relationships:
"People always fall in love with most perfect aspects of each other's personalities Who wouldn't? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that's not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner's faults honestly and say, 'I can work around that. I can make something out of that?' Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it's always going to be pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you."
To which Gilbert herself responded (as I probably would) "Are you saying you're clever enough to work around my worthless, junky, crappy bits"?
So you see, there is a lot going on here. I could go on and highlight the many cyber-bookmarks that I put in this book, but I am sure I have rambled on long enough. The end result here was that I found myself even more committed to Elizabeth Gilbert than I was at the end of Eat, Pray, Love.
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