More Memories

Again, a big thanks to everyone for their sympathies over our loss of Toby yesterday... I am thankful to have this outlet and the words of encouragement have been very helpful.  This morning, just want to share some stuff that is on my mind.  It's going to all be a bit random, but I guess so is life...

This morning, I could swear I was woken up by scratching at the door.  It was a sound that often woke me up... Toby wanting to go out or come back in... and being pretty incessant about it until he was allowed in or out.   So I am not sure, what I exactly heard... perhaps it was Toby wanting in (or out!) of that tear frickingly jerking Rainbow Bridge...

Speaking of which, it brought a smile to my face thinking about Toby's big sister Mindy.  Mindy was over 14 years old when she left us nearly 2 years ago (in early April), so that was one thing that made Toby's passing at age 6 particularly shocking.  But I will always remember Mindy's face when we brought Toby home... it was a pretty even split between "ah, shit" and "are you kidding me?"... so I am not too sure it was a total sunshine day for Mindy when Toby came trotting across the Bridge.

I spoke of the "universe" yesterday... and we did have some very odd coincidences... or were they?

A few weeks ago, we got that tremendous news of Todd's employee award and the trip to Beijing... and as it happened, I also had a vet visit that day... and that was the start of the beginning of the end, when we knew we were likely looking at something that could not be fixed.  Things didn't seem dire on that day, which I am totally thankful for because it was a day that deserved to be happy and amazing... and it was!  I guess one is an optimist or pessimist depending on whether you think there are more good or bad days... I'll give a slight edge to the good, but I think it all evens out in the end... looking back, that particularly day seemed a prime example.

When we moved into the house, I ordered Todd address labels with basset hounds on them... this weekend, he came to me and noted he was down to his final labels... they had lasted over 6 years... strange indeed!

While I am not totally trying to sanitize the house of memories and triggers, I did do some "clean up" yesterday afternoon.  One thing I did do was take down the basset hound calendar in our kitchen... if I turned the page today to April today... the photo was pretty much a spitting image of a puppy version of Toby. 

Okay, enough of "the universe"...

Finally, as I mentioned in yesterday's post, Toby was very independent even as a puppy... he was my first "puppy" and I often questioned if he was missing that whole "unconditional love" thing... he didn't thrive on getting attention and did not seek it out all that often.  But lately he was coming around.. and I'll share this story/memory that Todd sent me this morning (he arrived safely in France)... "one of the things that struck me just recently was how he was so content to stay close to us at the dog park... a few times recently when we were there, and he had happened to wonder away, I watched him and could see when he realized he wasn't sure where we were... he'd look for us and when he finally saw us, his ears would perk up and he'd trot back over to us... that always made me happy - like he really did like us and feel safe with us."  Ok, that made me sad... but it a good way!

I'll share (at least) one more thing with you later this week.  Over these past several weeks, most of my Facebook "status" one-liners have been very Toby-centric.  If you are not familiar with it... the feature gives you space to write a short message that shows up in the 3rd person... i.e.  Ed is xxxx.   It's typically used to share fun stuff... I tend to ramble (you've noticed?!)... so I found it very therapeutic and challenging to get right to down to very core.

Again, a big thank you... and I am looking forward to an Idol post tomorrow... I couldn't think of a better mentor to make me smile than Dolly Parton!

Comments

[Joanna]

Oops - commented without reading all the posts. Sorry about the rainbow bridge comment.

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Ed's response: Ha! No problem at all Joanna! Actually I find the Rainbow Bridge to be quite touching and comforting -- was just trying to inject a bit of humor/snark back into my post and the RB seemed to be a good target.

[Linda]

Oh damn, I'm so very sorry to read about Toby - you're both in my thoughts. What a beautiful boy, and you certainly gave him a wonderful life. How is Rocky doing?

[Beth]

Sorry to hear about Toby's passing. He was a great guy to you all. At least there's the memories you and Todd can share of him. Big hugs from Gainesville.