I have just made the call the vet.
For fear of chickening out, I am not going to post this until I am out of here.
It was going to be a rough morning regardless... Todd left on his business trip this morning and, while we would have like to have thought otherwise, neither of us truly believed that Toby would make it until he got back next Friday.
We took Toby in on Saturday to get another "boost" shot... the effects of the first one had started to wear off and we hoped another one would give him as good of a bounce as the first one did... and we were still seeing positive behavioral signs, so we just couldn't think of putting him ahead of Todd's trip.
But this shot one never kicked in... he had a not-so great day on Sunday... and not a good overnight at all... he wanted out several times during the night and, what was only clear to me this morning, was that he could not find a comfortable lying down position... and it was not until I got back to the airport, that I have noticed him swaying/bobbing when sitting up (or trying to). While he has not been happy/feeling good for a while now... my litmus test in making the decision was that he not be in pain/distress and, for the first time this morning, I can no longer think that is not the case...
So I am going in this afternoon... now, the gut-wrenching wait (as I write this, nearly 6 hours away)... I'm guessing I could have got in earlier, but I wanted his usual vet (thankfully she was in the office today) and that was important to me... and also not rushing right into it was a probably a good thing... it has allowed things to start sinking in and get out some of those tears.
I/We certainly was not thinking that today was the day. My fears were over the timing... doing it too soon (last week) or not doing it soon enough (say next week)... on the way to the airport, I said to Todd one of my worries was not having that "sign" and reassurance (I'll be the first one to admit that I am supremely indecisive)... but I think we both knew it was a not a good night and that the end was near... though it does
pain me that he doesn't know about this right this very minute... and while I think we both felt more bad for the other, there is an odd consolation that Todd was here for the last night. (Update: I was conflicted about it... but I did catch Todd between flights, so was able to tell him what was going on and he gave me that much needed reassurance that sadly he felt things were on the quick downturn).
So... I guess that's it, I am sure there will be more... and thanks for bearing with me through this tough time... this is my therapy....