Just Don't Know

Unless you are one of the "lucky" few who are following my recent angst-ridden Facebook status/update one-liners, there is not much good news to report on the Toby front.  I don't want to turn this blog into dog deathwatch but this is the hand that life has dealt us at the moment... so, in order for my head not to explode, it's going to rise to the surface here every so often...

Anyhow, on Friday we went back to the vet... Toby had been doing pretty well on his cortisone shot (well compared to before it)... but having seen another doctor at our vet office for this whole ordeal, I wanted to bring Toby in to see the doc who he had gone to 80%+ of his life... also Todd came along to, so I wouldn't have to try to remember all the stuff that was said or shown to me.

So while we were holding out for some hope that this had all been a terrible mistake and/or misdiagnosis... the doc told us very early and directly that we were going to lose him ... to put it simply, Toby has a cancerous tumor/mass (likely lymphoma) in his chest that is pushing up against his heart and lungs... and, at this point, there are not any good and/or long-term options... not to dissimilar from the other week, we were given an "optimistic" two-month time frame.

It's been a emotionally draining struggle... Toby's breathing has started to become labored... some times better than others, with relative silence from him suddenly becoming just as scary as the wheeziness.. but he is eating and has the occasional "happy tail" (something that wasn't the case when things were really bad)... so it's mixed signals... and while we are not opposed to making "the decision," it's hard to consider it when there are still some positive signs... though I suspect, as the decline continues, "the bar" of what qualifies as a "positive sign" will lower as well... just human nature.

And it's impossible to get advice on (understandably so!)... I have people in my life who already would have not gone through the financial and emotional expense that we have thus far... while others would not entertain "the decision" and would spend whatever it takes even if it meant just one day more...

We really don't know what to do... if he starts to decline, we can give him another shot for comfort... but even that has us questioning... is that right thing to do, just to keep him going... and each of those shots are going to be less and less effective.... and next week, Todd has an upcoming 12-day international business trip... so just a giant heap of "just dont knows"...

Comments

[Joanna]

Ed,

Just remember to look at it from Toby's POV. If he's in pain or isn't enjoying his life any more, it's time to let him go. He knows you love him and want to do what's best for him - unfortunately he can't tell you what that is.

You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

Joanna

[Adam]

Hey Ed,
This is a tough one, I had a cat that had severe diabetes and was not doing well. We had the option of trying a number of drugs/treatments. He showed some signs of happiness, but ultimately, we decided he was really suffering and decided to end his pain, it is tough, but sometimes it is better to let go than make the pet suffer. Think of all the great times you have had, you don't want to remember him for how sick he was all the time, good luck...