Whine & Cheese

Queer as Barney?

It was only a matter of time that the tables turned on Bravo's Queer Eye for
the Straight Guy. Both Comedy Central and Bravo are planning "Straight Eye/Queer Guy" programs. But my question is...will it work? Can it be fun without being insulting? After all the whole appeal of the original is a "minority" group having fun at the expense of the majority. Without delving too deep into the "is-it-or-ain't-it DNA" debate, consider the following ethnicity comparison: African-American Eye for the Caucasian Guy. Funny! Caucasian Eye for the African-American Guy...hmmm?

Speaking of Queer/Straight guys, I watched the Return to Mayberry: The Andy Griffith Show Reunion last night...okay, you may ask yourself where is this exactly going?! I have not seen the Andy Griffith show in decades, but something was gnawing at me while watching the reunion show, particularly the clips of Don Knotts' Barney Fife.

Then it hit me, the "modern" Barney Fife is no other than Will & Grace's Jack McFarland! The facial expressions, delivery, and comic situations and timing were freakishly similar. Then Andy/Will similarities, both playing the "straight" man, started surfacing... make me stop before I turn Aunt Bea into Karen Walker!! But really, the next time you are channel surfing and stumble onto Andy Griffith check it out and see whether I need psychiatric help or not!

See A Trend Here?

I guess I am in the minority in showing any interest in watching movies based on recent high-profile real life dramas. This past Sunday was the "blockbuster" showdown pitting the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping against the rescue of POW Jessica Lynch. On Monday, the entertainment headlines pretty darn cheerfully proclaimed Smart the slim victor in the heavily watched evening of television. Am I supposed to feel good for the Smarts? Bad for Lynch? Well, honestly I really don't care.

Follow the pattern with me:
1) Story captures the attention of the nations thanks to the media
2) Media totally oversaturates nation with said story
3) Capped off with story ending via rescue/capture/return/verdict/imprisonment
4) Walters/Sawyer/Couric (maybe 60 minutes) vie for exclusive interview with central figure(s)
5) Book and Movie deals secured and delivered
6) Repeat

These days, I find myself getting off the train about halfway through item #1. I
just don't have the time or desire to go through the cycle ad nauseam. So sorry Kobe, sorry Scott Peterson (even if Dean Cain is playing you in the movie)... just not jumping on the bandwagon anymore.

Tennis Players Are Not Funny

I do not have any strong opinions about Andy Roddick, but have to say I really know now why tennis players do not host Saturday Night Live.  The writers really
did not know what to do with Roddick. I do not know if it is their general lack of familiarity/interest with tennis (Chris Evert has been the only other tennis "host") or that Andy has not really established enough of an off-court personality beyond
teeny-bopper appeal.  I just know that in what has been a fairly decent season thus far, Roddick was the lamest host of the year.  Also, why he agreed to do the SNL stint on eve of the year-end championships is beyond me.  Perhaps this is a guy who relishes distractions as Roddick is pitching a reality series called "The Tour" to the major US TV networks which will follow him (and presumably his singer/actress girlfriend Mandy Moore) from May through September of next year. In a sport where silence is golden, entourages are king, and many players would use a microscope to determine which ball is the fuzziest if they could, why any player would you want a TV crew hovering and capturing nearly every moment is beyond me (especially when you will be defending a boatload of ranking points).

But back to SNL, the Williams sisters and Billie Jean King were not caricatures but just and attempt at laughs as "drag," did Darrell Hammond ever look at a tape of Bud Collins before attempting an imitation of the colorful commentator, and the past/present/future Agassi skit had potential but fell flat (a time traveling Scott
Joplin?!?).  Roddick could not even convincingly play himself in two skits and likewise it is never a good sign when your opening monologue is stolen away by last week's musical act.  I hate to say the best part of the show was John McEnroe's interference -- Johnny Mc is one of my least favorite tennis personalities (ever!) but his appearances were a welcome relief.

But what I did "learn"...Roddick can pull off blond hair, has good abs, and should not give up his day job.

Vegas: The Mini-Series

Yet another set of random musings from Vegas (sorry, can't quite promise that it will be the last one either...but maybe):

Martinis: Having recently turned 36, I decided that it was about time I finally got around to seeing what the big deal about martinis were all about. Since I really don't drink alcohol all that much these days, I figured Vegas (a place where I make up for all that non-drinking) was the place to try one... well, try one and eventually two and three! I pretty much have staved off vodka since my freshman year of college (too much of the cheap stuff!), so I wasn't really sure if this was the drink for me. But I have to say I was pleasantly surprised, quite tasty and packs quite the quick punch! Now I finally understand what the "two martini lunch" is all about!

Casino Bar: I do not know if this is the case in every casino, but we were able to get free drinks at a Rio casino bar since I decided to give the bar's video poker machines a try. We ordered a pair of martinis costing a total of $13.50 (eek!)... but when the bartender saw me playing VP he printed out a new ticket for a "comp" price of $8. As we neared the end of our drinks, without asking the bartender offered up another pair of martinis and another ticket. We had not planned on doling out more $$ for drinks, but we figured what the heck! When my luck had run out on VP (of course, more than enough to pay for the drinks!), I asked the bartender if I needed to fill out both slips to be billed to our room...much to my surprise he said everything was "on the house." Now, I know you get free drinks in Vegas...but I was still a little shocked to get 4 premium (and non-watered down) drinks "on the house."

Beverentainers: The Rio has instituted a fun new casino entertainment feature - your cocktail person might just well be more talented than you think. On a regular basis, the wait-staff gets up on stages set up around the casino and either sing or dance. Notice that I was not gender-specific...yes, the Rio also employs male cocktail waiters...something I think Vegas has not seen before. Believe it or not, the beverage service was actually pretty good at the Rio despite these added job responsibilities. Often it seems like you have to send out a search party to get a drink!

I guess this should have been called the alcohol Vegas blog entry!

One last note, be sure to check in on the latest entry on the blog block (it took me a day, but I found it!)... Green Chile Blog - I may end up making "guest appearances" (intentionally or unintentionally, good or bad) in that one since it is authored by the other half of the oft-mentioned "we" in my own entries.

Still More on Vegas

More Las Vegas news (am I obsessed or what?)...there is always something going up in town, so here is a quick construction update:

Mandalay Bay: A new 43-story hotel (all suite) tower set to open shortly.

Wynn Las Vegas: Formerly "Le Reve," this is Steve Wynn's $2 billion resort near The Venetian and TI. The 45-story hotel looks to be nearly complete. A 3-acre lake, 8-story mountain, and a Franco Dragone show are also on tap. Scheduled to open April 2005.

Caesar's Forum Shops: A third expansion underway -- scaffolding and structures are up for a 3-story addition of the mall's previous entrance -- moving it right to the Strip (near the Mirage entrance). Also, on the property's north end some porticos and statues along with the walking sidewalk have been removed. With the addition of The Colisseum, Caesar's is really packing a lot of buildings onto their property. Forum Shop expansion due to be complete Fall 2004.

Bellagio: Barely saw progress on a second 925 room hotel tower. Scheduled to open December 2004.

Monorail: Work continues on the former MGM-Bally's monorail system -- the expansion will take passengers over to the LV Hilton and down to the Sahara. The monorail is expected to return in early 2004, but with an expected $2.50-$3.00 charge (still a bargain compared to a cab ride!). There also appears to be future plans to connect the system to Downtown LV and the airport.

Vegas Trip Report: Part 2

Ok, Vegas Report Part 2: The Shows. Had a packed schedule of three shows, here
are my thoughts:

Zumanity: This is the new Cirque show playing at New York-New York. It is by far the risque-est and naughtiest Cirque production yet. If you have problems with any of the following, I would recommend NOT seeing this show: naked breasts, naked butts (male and female), drag queens, homoeroticism (male and female), or muscle midgets (I means "small people"). If nothing floored you from that list, go ahead and enjoy the show -- after all it is Sin City! The show transports you to an intimate and lush French cabaret where nothing is off limits. Get to your seats at least a 1/2 hour ahead of showtime as the show begins early with some of the cast interacting with the audience. Don't worry it is not all hot and heavy action either (and a lot of the "nudity" is implied), there are some comic moments. The only quibble I had was some routines with "planted" audience members. But definitely a nice surprise.

House of Blue's Gospel Brunch: Now waaaay over in the over direction! The HoB at Mandalay Bay offers two brunches every Sunday to wash away all the sins from the week. Again, a nice intimate setting where you are seated at long tables with your fellow "church-goers" -- a small buffet with a Deep South feel (grits, catfish, jumbalaya - but also more traditional stuff like eggs, bacon, carved meats). About 45 minutes into your meal, the music began as our hostess Sandra Alexander proclaimed that "this is the day the Lord has made let us rejoice and be glad!" What followed was another 45 minutes of rousing bluesy gospel music. Be forewarned that they take their "church" seriously...there was plenty of encouragement to lift your hand and bear witness to the Lord and shout out praises (the line that stuck with me... "When praises go up, blessings come down!"). Now as someone who hasn't stepped inside a house of worship in about 15 years and is probably best described as agnostic -- it got a tad uncomfortable at times not joining in on the Halleujahs! Also, as a white boy with no rhythm at times it was difficult to channel the "soul" of the all-African American performers. All that said, I totally enjoyed this on a pure meal/entertainment level.

Celine Dion's A New Day: Ah, Vegas' hottest ticket...could this possibly be worth the astronomical ticket prices (we paid $150 seat - the "mid-range" price)? The answer is "yes." The scale of this show is immense -- from the beautiful Colisseum,
staggering sets, the largest LED screen in the world, a 40+ member cast, and finally one of the best-selling artists of the past decade, Celine Dion. Now I know Celine is
one of those "polarizing" people -- ranging from love to "icccck." If you are anywhere on that scale from "indifferent" to "love her," I would definitely recommend scraping up the cash and getting tickets. It is a show that wows on so many levels (yet another Cirque de Soleil Vegas production). Don't worry Celine has her "diva" moments - from soaking up the audience applause (for me, really for me?!?) to her characteristic fist pumps to "choking" up when dedicating a song to her beloved child Rene Charles... though the best was when she "introduced" her cast...he ran to one side of the stage and said "Here is the conductor and beautiful voices" and then ran to the other side "Here is the keyboards and more beautfiul voices!" I guess it is too much for her to remember the names of six people...haha! The live band was also given a shout out, though they are caged up under some stage sets. The big surprise of the night was that they were filming/recording the show for a DVD/CD to be released in March 2004 to commemorate the first anniversary of the show.

So, as mentioned in my last entry, definitely feel like we hit the trifecta...Three great and very different shows. They are certainly not for everyone, but if you do not have any of the reservations that I mentioned for each, I would highly recommend them for your next visit to Las Vegas.

Vegas: Trip Report

Back from Las Vegas! Think this trip has to rank up near the top of my dozen visits to Sin City -- hit the trifecta with three great shows and ended up leaving with more money than I came with (remember "breaking even" is really winning!). Since I don't like reading long blog entries, I figure I will break things up. So let's start with the gambling/casino adventures. I will try to be as concise as possible!

Like I said, I actually won money this time around. I was doing the math in my head last night -- going over my big wins, but that just made me realize how much more $$ I gave back. You always remember the wins more than the losses - so my initial glee of my take-home earnings (about $400) is now a bit tempered by the realization I gave back way more than that (sheepish admission...maybe $700?!?...eeek!). But having saved up for this trip for awhile, the usual $20 bills played were $100s this time around...so the money swings were definitely a bit more dramatic.

I spent 95% of my time playing VP (or video poker to the acronymically challenged). I know, *NOT* big gambler -- but I play it for two reasons: A) you are not putting down $10/$20 a hand (though some machines let you) and B) given some basic knowledge/strategy you actually stand a chance of winning.

Rio: Did not expect much from the "host" hotel. I heard the Rio had been a good local favorite spot over the years, but that recently machines have tightened up. But staying on the 13th floor proved lucky. Hit $500 in my first afternoon on five-play nickel VP - was dealt a 4-of-a-kind w/ a kicker card for 2000 nickels x 5. The next day hit a 2400 quarters on a the newer Multistrike Poker VP machines (4-of-a-kind w/kicker for a 1200 payout doubled on "2x" line).

NY-NY and Mandalay Bay: At these casinos on 2 different days. They have a reputation of being tight and they certainly were. Money went waaay too quickly at both places.

Caesar's and Flamingo: Not great for VP, money lasted a little longer than at the "quicky" places noted above - but really not too good. These two places have to have some of the oldest cocktail waitresses out there. We were playing in a quiet little nook at Flamingo (along w/ maybe 10 other people) and the waitress looked lost coming back w/ drinks...calling out the drink orders and having the people flag her down.

The Palms: Tons of VP poker machines. Lost, got 1/2 of it back, gave it all back. First time at this casino -- definitely must be stealing the younger crowd (20-somethings) from The Hard Rock. On Halloween night and all there were lots of costumes w/ the girls definitely looking to be seen.

The Orleans: Another off-Strip/"locals" stop. Huge casino with lots of breathing room and tons of VP. Another instance of lack of will-power, would have come out slightly ahead or even, but gave it all back.

Bally's: Not great selection of VP and not the most impressive casino, but in the past I have managed to make my $$ stretch and usually come out ahead... this time was no exception. A couple of hours later, I left with $60 more than I put in (though it could have been $100).

Downtown Casinos: Sunday night headed downtown with the allure of "looser" machines and the atmosphere of "old" Vegas with all the lights and neon. A mixed bag here... early losses at the Las Vegas Club and Fitzgerald's -- but the guide-book dubbed "dumpy" El Cortez was a success. On a single play quarter VP machine with a "loose payouts" sign above it -- hit five 4-of-a-kinds (1 with a kicker-card bonus) -- financially salvaging the night.

Okay, so *NOT* a short blog entry -- but I guess I went to more places than I thought. ..and probably was more of a testimony of my inability to stop while I am ahead and cut my losses earlier.

More Vegas entries to come -- including the shows, construction updates, and miscellaneous other tidbits!